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Hi, I'm Faye "Kane". I have a degree in computer science from the #3 ranked school for CS, and was the department valedictorian. Mom couldn't possibly have cared less.

I am HORRIBLY shy, at least I think that's how to describe it. I don't FEEL like I'm shy. I feel like I'm normal and everyone else is frightening monsters.

I'm an official autistic savant (according to the psychometrician at the mental hospital where I was illegally committed in 2001).

Autism is a special kind of "retarded," where you're really smart in one or two things, but except for that you're an ordinary retard. What I'm smart in is language and complexity. I discovered (the rudimentary basics of) Riemann geometry and calculus on my own at 12. Then puberty seized me like a rabies dog with a rag doll.

I've been all fu cked up ever since because I could never resolve the duality of being an intelligent animal.

See, having a mating instinct is shameful and embarassing, something you never talk about with grownups ambient. It's also the most wonderful, exciting, thrilling, happy, joyful thing in the whole wide world. You better not say so, though, or people will scowl and shun you.

Still don't understand the problem? Then tell me, if sex is natural and beautiful and "okay," then how come they keep the dirty magazines behind the counter?

I don't think there's an internally-consistent answer to that. The only answer I ever got was "Just don't think about it." Yeah, well, I'm not very good at not thinking about things. Particularly when not thinking about them makes people call me immature, naive, crazy, childish, and slutty.

While pretending to be a grownup (which I don't do very well), I was a systems programmer using assembler.Then at a nuc-engineering place, I designed and built a gizmo to monitor neutron damage to the crystal lattice of stainless steel containment for a power reactor. Everybody LOVED me and my work!

Well, they loved my work, anyway. They avoided "that weird chick who never talks to anybody."

I did talk once though, about something wonderful and magical I did that weekend. But it seems to have been characteristically "inappropriate." People's reaction freaked me out, so I just walked off the job.

That was the last straw with normal people. I never looked for another job and never looked back.

Why?

Because everyone in the so-called "real" world is either evil or stupid, and they all tell lies like it's uncontrollable. So I abandoned "humanity" and for 3 years I’ve lived naked in a 3-foot high cave in the woods. I hacked into the power grid with my dorm fridge, A/C, shortwave, wireless broadband, 5 GHz 32 Gb PC, and festive, colorful christmas-tree lights.

...Okay, it's a tent. But it's half-buried and feels like a cave.

Yeah, yeah, you don’t believe it. tinyurl dot com slash flkcave

Hah! See?
Whattya know, someone on the internet is crazy!

Am I wasting a HUGE resource of incredible talent? Go ask someone who cares. I am—finally—genuinely happy.

I don't want friends and I don't want what normal people call love. To me, "love" is being whipped until I cry and sodomized by strangers because it's embarrassing and humiliating. Yes, that really is what I like. Deal with it. I also want to be gagged so I don't have to talk. I hate having to talk to people and I refuse to walk into a situation where I do. It took me too long to realize that I can do anything I want and don't have to do anything I hate.

The only thing I actually hate is humans. I didn't used to. I used to like and trust people. But after enduring the evil creatures for this many years, you have to either be retarded or acknowledge that most people should eat sh it and die. Individuals are sometimes okay (until they turn on you), but ultimately, I don't trust ANYONE.

The bottom line is: I'm a typical geek, who would be terified of cute, sexy girls if I didn't happen to be one. So I'm terrified of boys instead.

All I want from them is to be slapped around, humiliated, brutally raped, then left alone with my pseudometric tensors and hyperbolic spacetimes.

And if you don't like it, blow me.